Monomyth
by BlackJoker013
Summary: Naruto:You will give the people an ideal to strive towards Harry: No I won't Naruto: When Gotham is Ashes, You Have My Permission to Die Harry: wouldn't it make sense to say when Hogwarts is in ashes Naruto:I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life Harry:WHAT? Hinata: (walks by and wolf whistles at Naruto) Naruto: I OBJECT! Harry:This is ridiculous, you are ridiculous!
1. Snake Dudes and the Guys Who Play Them

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and I apologize for nothing even more you've been warned **

Naruto stared dead straight into the eyes of the dark lord unhinged and no sign of fear on his foxy face.

Voldemort stared back at the orange clad hero his wand griped tightly in his pale white hands.

Harry stood in the center of their cross range still bound to the statue that held him in the cemetery. Still shocked that Naruto had disguised himself as Cedric Diggory and switched places with him during the final triwizard tournament round.

The death eaters all cheering on for their dark messiah to prevail against the Shinobi warrior.

Naruto let out a breath the night sky and the cool air of death aloud his breath to be visible.

Like the snake that strikes for the kill Voldemort pointed his wand dead center at Naruto "any last words, muggle?" He said with such dissident as if the last word he utters was as disgusting as filth.

Naruto's eyes wondered to Voldemort left. "HOLY CRAP IT'S JENNIFER LOPEZ!"

Voldemort face dropped in surprise as he whipped his head back full of happiness "

MARISA!" He yelled in delight, sadly there was no one there he turned his head back around and met his end.

As soon as he turned his head back toward Naruto. The ninja had thrown a kunai knife with an explosive tag, that had lodge right into Voldemort's forehead and penetrated half way through his skull. Before he even hit the ground the dark wizards head exploded scattering blood and bones and sticky brains stuff all over his general radius, then his body fell to the ground.

Everyone stood there shocked at what just happened

"You…..you did it" Harry said in shock "you defeated Voldemort"

Naruto just put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes in his fox like manner "not really Master P, that's the thing with snake theme bad guys"

As if to prove his point Voldemort's pet snake Nagini slithered out from behind Wormtail and spoke with Voldemort's voice

"YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME THAT EASILY!"

Naruto put his arms down and started picked is right hear with his right pinky finger. "phhh, no didn't you hear what I just said, oh wait you didn't snakes don't have ears"

"WE HAVE EARS!"

"Whatever you say Chris,….wow is that Emily Watson" Naruto pointed behind him again.

"Reba!" snake Voldemort said in happiness only to see nothing behind him.

Voldemort turned his head back around but this time anticipated the kunai knife and evaded what was thrown at him. His super snake reflexes protecting him "ah HA stupid muggle I won't fall for the same trick twice!"

Naruto only rubbed his nails against his orange jacket and blow on them "I know, which is why I throw Rikki Tikki Tavi at you"

"HISSSSSSSSSSS" the sound of an angry hiss alerted Voldemort to turn and face a very angry and very big mongoose staring back at him before he knew it the creature attacked him with great ferocity.

"and thank you Francis" Naruto said as he pulled out a cigar and snapped his fingers the friction of his middle finger and thumb caused a flame to light the tip his middle finger which he used to light his cigar and flip off the rest of the Death Eaters at the same time.

He then went up to the stone statue holding Harry, and with a flick of the finger causing the statue to crack and break apart freeing H.P.

"That was brilliant" harry said still at aw at what Naruto did. Naruto looked back to see that Rikki had the head of Nagini securely in its mouth as he ate the dead snake.

"Not really" Naruto said as he let out a drag from his Tabaco and blow hot breath "I think the duel between Andrew Jackson and Charles Dickens was cooler"

"what?"

"You know the seventh president of America shot and killed Charles Dickens in a duel, cause he didn't like how A Christmas Carol ended."

"That never happened" harry said in a monotone

"Yes it did Harry look it up online oh wait you can't cause your magic and the internet isn't halal for your people….and it's 1995 so it's still pretty crap."

Harry just looked back and saw the death eaters were now being attacked by honey badgers "when did they.."

"They do what they want Harry I had no control over that" Naruto interrupt "come on let's get back so you can win that trophy or giant beer mug thing."

Harry just nodded and the two heroes walked back toward the portkey

"Oh wait" Harry said stopping Naruto and himself "shouldn't we you know"

"Oh right" Naruto said as he looked toward us the person reading this. "For you die hard potter fans Nagini became a Hercross…"

"Horcrux!" Harry corrected

"Horcrux, yeah whatever she became one when Dracula over there" points at the beheaded Voldemort that the honey badgers where now eating "killed that grounds keeper guy.."

"Frank Bryce"

"Yeah him Voldy used him instead of whoever he really did cause this is a fanfiction so whatever"

Naruto and Harry headed back to the portkey "the real person was Bertha Jorkins"

"Ok just for that I'm going to hit on your future wife"

"What who's my future wife, wait how do I know who Bertha and Frank are but not who my wife is?"

"The power of fanfiction, Harry the power of fanfiction." With that the two touched the trophy beer mug and vanished back to Hogwarts.

The graveyard now empty expect for the remaining bones of Voldemort and his Death Eater. Wait a minute bones?

Just as I typed the word bones Dr. Temperance Brennan renowned socially awkward and super sexy anthropologist, forensic anthropologist, and kinesiologist entered the forest and began examining the remains followed by Angel the Vampire with a soul.

"Wait am I Booth or Angel" said the guy who looks like David Boreanaz

"Your Booth" Temp replied not bothering to look up from her examination "there's no forensic evidence that vampire exist therefore I don't believe in them"

"Yeah but who says"

"Oh I'm sorry" Brennan said as she got up "but I thought the show as called Bones not Booth"

"No it's called Angel" Angel said and to back his claim his face vamped out.

"Oh so this is the route which you have chosen."

"That's right"

"your both wrong" they turned around and saw the Janitor from scrubs stand beside them his trusty mop in his hand "this was just supposed to be a stupid little fic that BJ013 was writing while he waited in line for the midnight premier of the Hobbit which he's only going to see so he can watch the new Man of Steal trailer"

"That's illogical why not simply just watch it online"

"Because that's lame"

"Your right you've beaten me in logic there for I lose my self for I am all about being logical, yet I'm not" and with that Bones disappeared into vanish to nothingness.

"Ok your turn Liam" before Angel saw it coming Janitor using is lightning quick Janitor speed stabbed him with his mop killing him instantly. Janitor's mop then turned into a broom and he stared cleaning up the remains

Next time:

Naruto and Harry sat on the outside patio of a Japanese restaurant in London enjoying some ramen when suddenly Naruto's wrist communicator went off. Showing Nick Fury on the screen.

"Uzumaki polar bears with head mounted laser canon's that know how to drive motorcycles are attacking New York I need you to assemble the others and save the city!"

"Were on the way Uncle Fury, but instead of Avengers can we be the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"

Harry chocked on his noodles at Naruto's request "no way it'll be a cold day in hell before I join the LXG"

Naruto looked mad at Harry "what's wrong with being…..oh" Naruto's face had a huge grin splattered across it "your still mad at what Allen Moore did to you in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Century 2009. Ha that was hilarious"

Harry crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow " is it Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze"

Naruto stopped grinning and match's Harry scowl "how many times have I told you it's just Uzumaki people from my world not have middle names, hell some of them are lucky just to have last names!"

"Namikaze"

"ok that's it four eyes say hi to Tom for me when you see him in hell!" Naruto yelled as he pulled out a kunai knife man that's cool to say kunai knife.

Harry just as quickly pulled out his wand but then got a sly he looked over Naruto shoulder "hey is that Chie Nakamura"

"Nice try Radcliff" Naruto said eyes unyielding "I'm from manga where all about being Meta, hey is that Sophie Stuckey"

Harry unable to not look turned around and screamed "STELLA!"

Naruto throw the knife at his friend as hard as he could but not without giving some warning to his pal

"LOOK OUT MARLON BRANDO!"

The end

**Go watch The Hobbit you knaves **


	2. Nazi's vs Wizard and a Ninja

"why did l listen to you"

"come on I thought it was a good plan"

"how was this a good plan?!"

Naruto and Harry were tied up, well to be more specific they were tied together back to back hanging by a crane that was lowering them into a giant vat of boiling chocolate. There reason to stop the evil plot of mind control potion being mixed into the formula form a chocolate factory in the heart of Hamburg Germany. The culprit the evil and curliest villain of them all the Red Skull.

Naruto's plan was simple dress in lederhosen and to pose as the popular German boy band Hans and the Glasses boy unfortunately the red skull had killed the original band a week ago do to the fact that they couldn't give him a good villainous theme song.

The Red skull and a group of his Hydra agents around him stood on the ground floor of the factory watching as our young heroes being lowered to their delicious demise.

"you boys where foolish to think you could trick the mighty skull" the Red Skull said as he tried to instill fear in their eyes

"It would have worked" Naruto spat back "you didn't even remember killing Hans and Glasses boy until one of your men reminded you"

"when you have killed as many people as I have, swine you tend to forget."

"puff" Naruto flapped is lips "well Harry since this is the end I guess I should tell you I'm the one who lost your invisibility cloak"

"WHAT!"

"yeah I lost it when I used it to spy on girls while they took showers back at Hogwarts so I guess I'm kind of sorry."

"YOUR KINDA SORRY! If you idiot if you hadn't done that we could have used it to sneak into the chocolate factory"

"It was naked girls Harry I think I should get a pass on that"

"well you didn't know where going to die and I don't even have my wand to save us"

Naruto shock is head in disagreement

"we don't need it, not when I have torch fingers"

Instantly one of Naruto's middle fingers lit on fire. The flames grew in size until sparks started shooting out and Naruto used them to burn through their ropes.

"you fools stop them" the evil Nazi screamed at his tropes, they raised their rifles and aimed at the boys.

"HURRY NARUTO!"

Will Naruto's fingers burn the ropes in time, will our heroes be full of laser bullet's or will the fact that their still hovering on top of a vat of deadly chocolate and if Naruto does cut the ropes they'll still drop to their chocolaty demise they will die any was tune in next week to find out.


End file.
